My senior year of high school, I started using alcohol and cocaine on the weekends. To everyone on the outside, I was the perfect example of asuccessful high school student with a bright future ahead of me. I was an 'A' student and the captain of the drill team. Even though I was using alcohol and cocaine regularly, I was still able to maintain my image, and was accepted into college with the goal of fulfilling big dreams.
During my first year in college I made decisions that started my life in a downward spiral. At 19 years old, I became pregnant with my boyfriend’s child, who was also my drug dealer. By the time I had the baby, my boyfriend was in jail, and I was forced to move home with my parents, abandoning college. My self-esteem was at an all-time low because in only a year, I went from someone who was going to make something out
of herself to someone I didn’t recognize.
Living at home with my new baby at 19 years old made my life very difficult. I was depressed and I turned to cocaine to take the pain away. All of my future dreams were shattered. My father, who had been in a 12-step
program for years, saw the emptiness inside of me and took me to my first 12-step program. Unfortunately, I had not reached my bottom, so when he exposed me to an opportunity for recovery, I was not ready.
I slowed down for awhile until my biological father died. He had relapsed on crystal methamphetamine, and died at the age of 54 from a massive heart attack. My world fell apart, and at age 21, I was planning my father’s funeral. The pain was unbearable, and that is when I turned to meth to take it away.
Within that year, my grandfather died and my grandmother was extremely sick. I was taking care of my grandmother; going to school; and had a child. My life was nothing I had imagined. Meth was no longer fun. In fact, my tolerance for meth was so high that I did it for survival. My withdrawals were sickening, and I was not able to keep the moving pieces of my life together.
My father’s death should have scared me enough to quit using, but it didn’t. This cycle continued for three years. At one point, I weighed only 105 pounds. My parents, who were sick with worry, stepped in and took me to
an inpatient treatment center. After three days, I left and returned to my parents’ home. My next step was to an outpatient treatment program that I never finished.
I was soon using meth again, and my parents could not continue to watch me die. I was forced to move out of their home, and into a drug house.
For me, smoking meth was like smoking a cigarette no big deal. It was pointless for me to do it, but if I didn’t do it I would suffer withdrawal symptoms that were unbearable. I once had a bright future ahead of me, and could not believe what I had become. I was unable to care for my son; I couldn’t go to school; and I couldn’t keep a job.
I saw the advertisement for the PROMETA Treatment Program on the local news station and my son’s Godmother emailed me the video footage. I was very offended that she sent it to me, yet I knew I needed it. I read about the program on the Web site, and read a PROMETA Treatment Program patient story that really spoke to me. That girl’s story was my story! I really wanted to try the PROMETA Treatment Program because nothing worked for me before and I knew it was my last hope. My parents were skeptical, but I told them that I had to try something or I was going to die. Shortly thereafter, I began the PROMETA Treatment Program.
After the PROMETA Treatment Program, I was able to actually experience the difference between happiness and misery. I could retain information again, and made rational connections in my mind. I was sleeping regularly and could actually feel emotions. Before the PROMETA Treatment Program, I was miserable without meth and miserable using meth. I believe the PROMETA Treatment Program gave me the stepping stone to help me stop using meth and my 12-step program is helping me to live a sober life.
The worst damage that resulted from my drug use was to my relationship with my young son. I can not take back the damage that has been done to him, but the PROMETA Treatment Program has helped me to be able to be present and provide security in his life. The emotional connection that I am able to make with him means more to me than anything in the world. Before, I was just going through the motions of being a mother. Now I can be part of my son’s life in a way I never imagined.
My family is healing. I will never forget the first time I heard my family laugh after my treatment in the PROMETA Treatment Program. For six years, they had longed for the Holly that they had known and loved. After thirty days, they were able to recognize their daughter. There was no smiling and no laughter when I was on drugs just worry and stress. Trust is not something that is gained immediately, especially after so many years of breaking it. So, I continue to earn trust with my family and my son now. I believe that if I do the right things, everything else will fall into place and my relationships will be restored as a result.
Before the PROMETA Treatment Program, I had nothing else to lose no hopes, dreams or any chance of a future because meth had washed them all away. I went from being willing to die to wanting to live again. I’m now working; going to school; and I am the daughter and mother I always knew I could be. I know now that I am not doomed to repeat history. I now have the foundation to live a sober life for myself and my son.
Holly
Tyler, TX
